The Bureau

Our standing editorial staff

Staff writers, quality control, and, when the mood takes them, can knockers.

Bubbles

Tuxedo

Head of quality control. Will bat any open can off a table within 40 seconds, so cans are tasted under supervision.

Preferred can — LaCroix Pamplemousse

Orange tabby

Named after the greatest flavor. Sits on the keyboard during every review and has co-authored several by accident.

Preferred can — LaCroix Lime

Russian Blue

Only drinks from the tap, but respects the hiss of a fresh can and comes running for it.

Preferred can — LaCroix Pastèque (Watermelon)